Bruce Cameron

Editor’s Note: The following column was originally published in 2010.

My neighbor Tom is going on the “caveman diet,” which he believes will improve his athletic performance if he ever does anything athletic.

“See, we’re surrounded by all these chemicals and processed foods,” Tom told me, so excited he momentarily stopped coating his hotdog with aerosol cheese. “But on the caveman diet, you go back to eating the way we did when there were dinosaurs roaming the land.”

“I think if we had been around when dinosaurs roamed the land, they would be eating us,” I responded.

“So, like, meat — cavemen...