Serving Whitman County since 1877
Serving Whitman County since 1877
Like the old Olympia beer commercials used to say, “I seen ‘em.”
No, I’m not talking about “them there artesians” brewing beer in Washington state. I’m talking about “Squatch,” Sasquatch, Bigfoot. He was alive and well in Metaline Falls this past weekend at the annual Bigfoot Festival.
The region’s most ardent Bigfoot believers headed to up the Pend Oreille River to investigate Sasquatch evidence, meet the “experts” and hobnob with likeminded individuals. I tagged along for a day.
I was sure I’d spot the elusive Bigfoot, something I’ve never seen in decades of backpacking, hiking, hunting, search-and-rescue and other activities across the Pacific Northwest.
I was right. Arriving downtown, I followed footprints spray-painted on the sidewalk to a local store, where owners and patrons put me on the trail to two city parks.
A fast-paced, two-block walk later, I found Bigfoot on T-shirts, statues, paintings and posters. There was a giant inflatable Sasquatch in the park and a statue nearby on Fifth Avenue. A crowd gathered around an “original” cast of a footprint (complete with toes).
Squatchers – as they called themselves – were chowing down on Bigfoot burgers while watching 70-plus year old belly dancers prancing in front of a similarly aged man wearing bigfoot gloves.
I had arrived at the annual Bigfoot Festival.
Down Fifth Avenue, the Bigfoot Film Festival was underway at NuVu Showhouse, playing movies like “Alien vs. Bigfoot,” “Woolworld,” “Big & Tall” and “The Skunk Ape Lives.” Not a title among them that I knew, although I fully admit enjoying Bigfoot movies supposedly filmed in our neck of the woods.
Speaking of neck, I recently learned “squatch” has a meaning other than being the lazy way of saying Sasquatch. According to the Urban Dictionary, a squatch is the patchy, messy hair that grows on the nape of your neck, between the hairline and actual neck.
There were definitely a lot of squatches – both kinds -- at the festival.
I had only heard one of the presenters before arriving. David Paulides, the author of the “Missing 411” book series, was busy signing autographs prior to his planned presentation.
I intently tuned in to both portions of his program – part on Bigfoot and part on the “Missing 411” series, an investigation-styled presentation on people who have gone missing in national forests without a trace.
In the first part of his program, the tent got silent when he told Bigfoot aficionados that Sasquatch is a human species, not an ape. Their search for a “great ape” was headed down the wrong DNA track, he said.
In discussing his “Missing 411” books, Paulides didn’t tell the audience what to believe of the disappearances. But the crowd had no shortage of answers – Bigfoot, aliens, inter-dimensional beings and more.
Then there were the She-Squatchers – Jen Kruse, Jena Grover and Tammy Treichel. They regaled the crowd with stories of being scared and alone in the woods, hearing footsteps, whistles and more, prompting them to flee on their first outing.
Their stories reminded me of times I spent in the North Cascades with my daughter, “Livy,” more than a decade ago. Whenever we would cross Stevens Pass, we’d stop along U.S. Highway 2 in Index to check out the mad scientists Quanset hut, a location in the 1987 moving, “Harry and the Hendersons.”
We’d follow the Sasquatch trail into the woods, listening quietly to the sounds, trying to separate the whistling wind from a whistling Bigfoot. We’d search the ground near the Bigfoot crossing signs for footprints.
Livy and I also made trips to Ape Cave and hiked portions of the Ape Canyon Trail, both near Mount St. Helens. She would always find something she could attribute to “the big guy.” I never did; still haven’t.
Whether you believe in Bigfoot or not, squatchin’ has become a rite of passage for those of us in the Pacific Northwest. It’s great for family outings, people watching and a respite from everyday life.
Just don’t put too much stock in those “reality” shows. When they say they are near “Coal-ville,” “Chel-anne” or “See-Quim,” you know they haven’t spent any time getting to know our state and forests.
— Roger Harnack is the co-owner and publisher of Free Press Publishing. Email him at roger@cheneyfreepress.com.
Roger Harnack is the co-owner/publisher of Free Press Publishing. Having grown up Benton City, Roger is an award-winning journalist, photographer, editor and publisher. He's one of only two editorial/commentary writers to ever receive the international Golden Quill. Roger is dedicated to the preservation of local media, and the voice it retains for Eastern Washington.
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