Gordon Forgey: Resolve to stop the fiddlers

A lot of fiddling has been going on. Immutable facts of life are no more because people just cannot leave things well enough alone. Fiddling is sort of like tinkering, only much, much worse.

Consider Pluto. That much loved planet rounded out our solar system, It was an important part of our celestial family. Yet, it is no more. Pluto has been fiddled down to a planetoid or some kind of inconsequential space debris. As a result, there are only eight official planets in our solar system. What is the point? We always had nine. What is wrong with nine? Not one good reason exists for booting Pluto off the roster. Disney hasn’t.

The fiddling doesn’t stop there. It has become insidious.

Superman doesn’t have a cape anymore? Why? The once great city of Bombay is no more. Why? Fiddling has brought us postage stamp sized newspapers, plastic wrap that is more indestructible than the product it is protecting and hard to read dashboard screens instead of clear, reliable (but perhaps a little hard to fold) road maps. Even the 100 watt light bulb is being fiddled into extinction.

There are those who want to make Washington, D.C., a state just so they can fiddle with our flag. Try to find a car with a real tire for a spare or even a new shirt with a sleeve length actually meant to fit the buyer. Can’t! They’ve been fiddled away. Over the years even the Periodic Table of Elements has been fiddled with. Remember it from school? Well, it has been fiddled up to 118 elements at last count. Most people didn’t even notice this subterfuge.

Fiddlers have obviously touched every aspect of daily life. They have taken away the reliability of rotary phones and the quality sound of vinyl records.

Worse yet, they have overwhelmed college football. Leave aside the BCS—fiddlers all. Leave aside bowl games such as the Beef ‘O’ Brady’s Bowl St. Petersburg, the New Era Pinstripe Bowl and the Meineke Car Care Bowl of Texas.

This year, despite all the fiddlers, the PAC 12 and the Big 10 finally managed to meet in what promised to be a classic Rose Bowl matchup.

But it was different. It had been fiddled with. It wasn’t even on New Year’s Day. It was on a regular Monday. A Monday! The Rose Parade in its 123rd year wasn’t on New Year’s Day either. It was on a Monday, too. The Rose Parade should signal the start of the new year, not the spring equinox.

For years, Americans have gathered to watch the parade, re-live (or forget) New Year’s Eve and foggily wait for the Rose Bowl game, matching the best of the PAC 8 or 10 or 12 and the Big Ten. It was an immutable fact of life. It came as surely as hangovers and unachievable resolutions.

What’s more, all this used to be available to the public. Everyone could watch the parade and game. All they needed was an antenna and a television set. Nearly every American home had those. Oh, no. Not anymore. Fiddlers have taken this ritual away. The game is now on a premium station, so only the rich and fortunate can see it. The rest were forced to view the latest episode of “One Life to Live.”

All these unnecessary changes have become too much. This new year, 2012, should be dedicated to getting rid of fiddlers and all they have fiddled. That should be everyone’s resolution. The danger is real. First it was Pluto then it was the Rose Bowl. What is next?

Gordon Forgey

Publisher