Bruce Cameron - Day of the Earth

I think of all the holidays we celebrate, my least favorite is Earth Day. For one thing, I never know what sort of gift is appropriate. A jar of dirt, maybe? And it’s not clear to me why Earth even needs a “day,” since a spin on its axis creates a day. That’s like giving a man who owns a shoe store a gift of a pair of shoes.

Us: Hey, Earth! Know how you’ve given us all these days? Well now we’re giving you one!

Earth: I’m thrilled.

Don’t get me wrong: Earth is one of my favorite planets. A lot of my friends live there.

When I was in grade school, we celebrated Earth Day by drawing pictures of...