Whitman County Gazette - Serving Whitman County since 1877

COVID cure comedy


October 29, 2020

There’s buzz out recently about mouthwash killing COVID after a published study by Penn State amazingly found that it had 99% efficacy, just like it says on the bottle. Mouthwash usually contains some form of peroxide; the old school stuff had alcohol. So, I started thinking. How else can we achieve those results without the rigors of nightly oral hygiene? Consumption!

Now, I do not advocate knocking back shots of peroxide unless you want to see your lunch a second time, but alcohol comes in many flavors pleasing to the pallet, and with a little self-control, your lunch stays safely down where it belongs. Tasty refreshment and effective virus eradication? Winner, winner!

When COVID hit, you went online and found some lady named Diane selling masks and did your part, forking over 10 bucks for some scrap of her sons old wrestling camp T-shirt with springy ear loops, to help her out since she’d recently lost her job. Who knew all along you could sip a night cap of whiskey on the rocks, gin and tonic, or vodka and cranberry juice, and stayed almost as safe? Imagine them used in tandem? So, drop that mask and raise a glass!

Had this been discovered earlier maybe Diane wouldn’t have lost her job. With everyone drinking alcohol, turns out the tavern she worked at may have been one of the safest places in town. Cheers, to your health!

Keith Rawls



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