Author photo

By Jana Mathia
Gazette Editor 

Mourning and comforting

 


When someone who has lived a long time dies, those who were close to them feel the loss, yet are able to look back on all that person has done and accomplished. When someone who is young dies, there is the pain of the loss, the separation, but also the pain of the loss of all that could have been, all the dreams, hopes and aspirations of a life that will never be realized.

Yet another family in Whitman County is mourning this loss. It is a loss that never truly goes away. My husband's sister died at the age of 11. That was 20 years ago and the family still carries that loss in their own ways. Many have come to terms with it and found peace, but the loss is still there and affects their lives in different ways.

Now is the time for those who are not feeling the loss as sharply to provide comfort and support for those who are. Whether it's a meal, help with harvest, a kind word or just a listening ear, anyone can provide some level of compassion.

It is not the time for "Well," statements or "what-ifs."

"Well, if so-and-so had just done such-and-such." "Well, why was whatsit doing this-and-that?"

No. No second guessing. No assigning some level of blame anywhere. I'm sure there are already people feeling they could have done more, they could have changed things. Even those who could have made no difference may be feeling they failed in some manner. Don't. Stop.

One thing my husband learned from the tragic loss of his sister was to not engage in the theoreticals; as if doing so could change what has already happened. The abyss of "what-ifs" will only suck you down into despair and self-loathing; a dark place your loved ones–including those who have passed away–would never want to see you go to.

There are many ways to support the families in our communities that are hurting. Compassion has many facets, large and small. Even if you feel there is nothing you can do to help them, you can still afford the courtesy of not second guessing and opening up the "what-if" can. Acknowledge something horrible has happened; mourn for the family, for the futures and opportunities that will never be, and be part of the healing. Things heal faster if you don't pick at them.

Whitman County youth have died. They left behind families. Those families need love and support. That's really all there is to it. How will you provide that support?

Jana Mathia

Gazette Editor

Author Bio

Jana Mathia, Reporter

Author photo

Jana Mathia is a reporter at the Whitman County Gazette.

 

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